Amanda Bynes has plans after rehab

amands-bynesAmanda Bynes was arrested again, by the California Highway Patrol, for substance abuse. The actress needs another hobby besides drinking and shooting.

After leaving rehab, the actress wants to start her own clothing line. An appropriate name for this line would be:

Amanda Bynes Smashing Apparel.

Good2Go App – Fulfilling a dream

Good2GoWhen I purchased my first iPhone, i was amazed at what this thing could do. I remembering saying, “This thing can do anything but give you oral sex.”

Well, the Good2Go app may have solved this problem. This thing seems amazing. It by-passes the foreplay, and gets right to the question – YES or NO.

After using this app, you may need to download Doctor on Demand.

National Coffee Day may lead to National Shake Day

national-coffee-dayWith National Coffee Day upon us, Krispy Kreme and Dunkin’ Donuts are giving away coffee to their customers, as well a number of other stores.

This should keep the country in a severe state of nervousness for the next two weeks. After this, the country needs to declare a National Shake Day. Who know? On the next National Day, some of the drug stores may give away free Valium.

Violence runs in the Ohio State family

Ohio State strength coach, Anthony Schlegel decided to pull a Woody Hayes style antic, by tackling a fan running on the field during the game with the University of Cincinnati.

ohio-state

Violence obviously runs in the Ohio State family. Recall, in the 1978 Gator Bowl, when Ohio State legend, Woody Hayes punched Clemson nose guard, Charlie Bauman, for intercepting a pass from Buckeye quarterback, Art Schlichter in the closing minutes. This interception sealed a two point win for Clemson.

This incident is both similar, and different from that which occurred in 1978.

The similarity is, Woody Hayes never apologized to Bauman for punching him out. No one expects Schlegel to apologize to the fan who ran on the field. The difference is, Woody Hayes was the goat, and was fired the next day. Schlegel seems to be a hero, and could probably be elected if he were to run for governor of Ohio.

woody-hayes

I love many things, but only one affects me a certain way

I love many things.

My favorite food is hot dogs. I love hot dogs.

I love Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer.

love

 

I love my two Boston Terries.

 

 

 

I love to play golf.

I love to cook.

I love apple pie.

The list of things I love in endless. I love a lot of things.

But there is only one think I love that affects a certain part of my body a certain way.

love

Need I say more? I want to keep this content as clean as possible.

i

Golf attracts too many HOT-HEADS

golf-clubsWhy do so many angry golfers damage their clubs?

This is stupid. I am not about to damage my golf club. I paid too much money for them. Most of the golfers who have these temper tantrums are just weekend golfers.

There can be three reasons why these hot-heads like to do this.

First, their ego could be getting the best of them. This has to be my number one choice. Weekend golfers have an ego. Every weekend golfer likes to talk about how great his golf game is, when in reality, it sucks.

Second, they want a new set of clubs, and just need a good excuse to buy them. I have the ultimate excuse. I just want a new set of clubs. That’s it – short and to the point. Besides, don’t damage your old clubs, You can always sell them on Ebay. If they are damaged, no one will want to buy them.

Finally, they probably think they are much better golfers than they really are. I’d be the first to admit that I am not that good a golfer. But who cares?  I have fun, fun, fun.

Who do they think they are, Tiger Woods?

People can say “YES”, but can they say “NO”?

yes-noToo Many “Yes-Men”

Everybody can say the word yes. They can say it, whether they mean it of not. In most cases, they don’t mean it.

Ask someone if they will be coming to a party at your house. They’ll say, “Yes” but won’t show up.

Yes is an easy word to say. No is not so easy to say. Why can’t people ever say no? Are they afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? Screw their feelings. If a person says “No”, at least they are being honest.

The law that was passed in California, Yes Means Yes, should be, No Means No. It’s no wonder so many people are dishonest. The legislatures make them that way.

Race the issue for Eric Holder?

eric-holderI don’t think so.

Under Eric Holder’s leadership, the U.S. Justice Department would put someone in prison for spitting on the sidewalk. This guy did not play favorites. He would have put members of his own family in prison.

This is not a racial issue. I assume everyone in his family is also Afro American.

Source: BBC

Notre Dame – Auburn in championship game – No Bear Bryant

notre-dameLatest Forecast – an Auburn, Notre Dame championship game ??????????????????????????

Is it possible? That’s what the experts are predicting.

I believe it is possible. Unfortunately, for Notre Dame, they could not stay on the field with Auburn. The only bright spot on the resume of the Irish, regarding the Southeastern Conference, is they never lost to a Bear Bryant coached team. Bryant was a legend, but he could not beat the Irish.

If this happens, and Auburn beats Notre Dame, the Bear will be turning in his grave.

12 excuses a woman gives you for not wanting to have sex

You will never hear a woman say, “I don’t find you attractive”, “I don’t want you”, or the truth, “I’m just not in the mood”. If she does not want sex, she can think of over 100 excuses.
sex

1. I’ve had a rough day and I’m tired

 

sex

2. I’m going out with the girls tonight

 

sex

3. I want you to love me for me, not just for my body

 

sex

4. We’re not animals, and we can’t do it just to be doing it

 

sex

5. I’m not feeling my best tonight, but tomorrow night I’ll feel better, and you’ll get it.

Take my word for it. Tomorrow night will come, and you still won’t get it.

sex

6. I’m about to start my period

So, she has not started her period yet! What is she going to do, start her period during the climax?

sex

7. There’s a movie on Lifetime I want to watch tonight

She’s probably seen the movie at least 10 times.

sex

8. I don’t have my makeup on tonight, and I want to look my best for you.

You will be in the dark, Darling. I won’t know the difference anyway.

sex

9. My hormones are acting up on me. I’m about to start the change of life

Oh Great! This means NO MORE SEX, PERIOD.

sex

10. I just washed the sheets today

We have more than one set of sheets. And sex is not dirty. And if you are on birth control, I won’t have to pull out, and dirty the sheets.

sex

11. I am not 100% my best tonight, and I want our sex to be something special

Chances are, she won’t be 100% tomorrow night.

love

12. The dogs will be sleeping with us tonight

They sleep with us every night. Does this mean we will never do it?

Derek Jeter – Another single digit number

derek-jeterDerek Jeter went out in style. He delivered a game winning hit in the Yankees’ 6 – 5 win over Baltimore.

Will Derek Jeter’s number be retired?

This is a no brainer. Derek Jeter is one of the greatest. But there is another incentive for the Yankees to retire his number. His number, Number 2, is one of only two single digit numbers the Yankees have not retired.

We are thorough. Here is the list.

billy-martin

No. 1 – Billy Martin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

babe-ruth

No. 3 – Babe Ruth (aka, “The Babe”)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lou-gehrig

No. 4 – Lou Gehrig

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

joe-dimaggio

No. 5 – Joe DiMaggio

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mickey-mantle

No. 7 – Mickey Mantle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

yogi-berra

No. 8 – Yogi Berra

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

bill-dickey

No. 8 – Bill Dickey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

roger-maris

No. 9 – Roger Maris

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why didn’t Bill Dickey or Yogi Berra wear Number 6? Then, the Yankees can have all the single digits retired?

Eric Holder, King of the Jack Asses, steps down

eric-holder

Well, what do you know? There’s hope for the country yet.

Eric Holder almost destroyed the Justice Department

I must admit, I am no fan of Eric Holder. I don’t hate the man, like so many. I don’t even have a problem with racism.

I do have a problem with what the Justice Department has become under his leadership. Nowadays, a man, black or white, will be sentenced to Federal Prison for violations that should be small misdemeanors.

Eric Holder likes snitches

Let’s take an example. If you have a conversation with someone you have never met, and this person is subsequently indicted for a serious crime, then you’d better not let anyone know about it. Your conversation may be unrelated to the crime. You may just address him with a friendly “How do you do.” However, if the Justice Department finds out you talked with him, they can swear that you had knowledge of the crime. In this case, you will be facing prison time as well. Even though you had no knowledge of the crime, they can get you for not turning the guy in.

This is true. I have heard many horror stories of this nature.

If I may offer an opinion of Eric Holder’s philosophy, I have to say it is:

“When in doubt, punish the guy.”

Pitchman Kevin Trudeau – A COOL DUDE

kevin-trudeauProfessional pitchman, Kevin Trudeau, was sentenced to 10 years in Federal Prison. In spite of this, I kind of like the guy, personally.

Kevin Trudeau seems like a cool guy

Naturally, this is the nature of a professional pitchman. To sell his customer, he has to come across as a nice guy. I have no problem with this. Kevin Trudeau is someone I’d like to have a couple of beers with, and just shoot the breeze. As long a I don’t have to do business with him, we could get along just fine. However, like so many professional pitch men, he would have to kept within an arm’s length. Otherwise, he would bite it off like an alligator. Continue reading Pitchman Kevin Trudeau – A COOL DUDE

Alabama has been misjudged over the years

If you see the article in BuzzFeed, 12 Things We Have Alabama To Thank For, you will see some good things that the State has given us.

If you are familiar with Alabama, you will notice that many good things, and one bad thing has been left out.

Good things from Alabama.

Joe Louis, Hank Aaron, Willie Mays, Bo Jackson, Carl Lewis, Jim Nabors (aka, Gomer Pyle), Hank Williams Sr.,  3 of the original Temptations (Eddie Kendricks, Paul Williams, Melvin Franklin), Dianna Ross, Nat King Cole, and many others.

temtations

I am proud to say that Eddie and Paul were very good friends.

College Football

Don’t forget that the State of Alabama rules college football. The national champion has been Auburn or Alabama for 4 out of the last 5 years. It should be 5 out of 5, but Auburn came up 13 seconds short last January in Pasadena. But if there is any consolation, keep in mind that the quarterback who led Florida State to the win on their last drive, Jameis Winston, is from Bessemer, Alabama.

Segregation

The only bad thing about Alabama is segregation. Many believe this is where it originated.

George Wallace has taken the rap for this, but this is not true. Wallace was not a racist. He was a politician, and a good one. He just used racism to further his political career. The real racist behind the 1963 Civil Rights Movement in Birmingham was the Commissioner of Public Safety, Bull Connor. In a speech Connor made, he said, word for word, “You’ve got to keep the White and the Black separate!” The idiot couldn’t even speak English correctly. Watch the video. You can hear this speech at the beginning of the video.

bull-connor

Bull Connor is the one who ordered the police to attack Afro Americans with the fire hoses. It is accurate to say that he was the sole individual who was responsible for the Civil Rights Movement in Birminghham. Bull Connor not only hated Afro Americans. He hated everybody who knew where they came from.

Let me expand on what I just said – BULL CONNOR HATED EVERYBODY, PERIOD. I think the man even hated himself. He also hated Jews and Italians, and probably more than he hated Afro Americans. He didn’t start any crap with the Jews, because they were smart, and they had the money to fight back. He didn’t mess with the Italians, for obvious reasons. I suppose he did not want his body to wash up from the bottom of the Warrior River.

There was one time when Mr. Connor attacked the Italians. I remember very clearly. Bull Connor ordered the Ku Klux Klan to burn a cross in my Great Grandmother’s front yard. The reason was because she owned a grocery store in Bessemer, Alabama. Being an immigrant from Sicily, Mr. Connor wanted her OUT. What a turd!

When you think of Alabama, think of the good things

Alabama has contributed many good things to society. Don’t judge Alabama by the one bad thing the state is associated with. Better yet, don’t judge the State of Alabama because of one individual who hated everyone, including himself.

civil-rights

Andre Ellington may sit out opener

andre-ellington

When the Chargers and Cardinals kick off Monday night, Arizona may be without their star running back, Andre Ellington. A foot injury has made the running back from Clemson questionable.

Starting in his place could be Johnathan Dwyer, the fourth year man from Georgia Tech. This could lead to the beginning of a superstar’s career. Stranger things have happened. This time next week, the Arizona Cardinal fans may be asking the question, “Andre WHO?”

Source: ESPN

Deborah Norville taking Joan Rivers death very hard

Inside Edition host, Deborah Norville, is taking the passing of Joan Rivers very hard. Since the passing of the comedy legend yesterday, she has not even been there to host her show. One would think that Debotah Norville and Joan Rivers were very close relatives.

Jimmy Fallon is grieving also, but at least he showed up last night to host the Tonight Show.

Source: INSIDE edition

9 Joan Rivers thoughts that teach us about life

The entertainment world lost a great one yesterday. Like so many heart-broken people, I am sad to say that Joan Rivers passed away at the age of 81. Miss Rivers was one of the greatest woman comedians ever.

Joan Rivers made a lot of people laugh, and brought joy and happiness to many. In addition, the legend had many philosophies about life. If we could learn from some of these, we could all live life to its fullest.

joan-rivers

Miss Rivers just appeared in public, went on stage and did what came natural to her. Her sharp tongued humor was her trademark, and will never be forgotten. Miss Rivers could be put into any situation, and you would think that she had been accustomed to it her entire life.

joan-rivers

When asked once in an interview to describe what she does, she responded by saying that she really didn’t have a job. She said that all she did, and all she wanted to do was make people happy. And she sure did that.

joan-rivers

Joan Rivers was a great comedian, but she also involved herself in other interests. Over a period of 40 years, she was the author of 10 books. She had a writing style that could rival some of the best authors. She was also a producer and business leader. Miss Rivers also had numerous endorsements. She was a frequent guest on QVC.

joan-rivers

Miss Rivers taught us that there is nothing wrong with laughing at ourselves. It should be only natural. In doing so, it shows that we are human, and comfortable with who we are. Miss Rivers was definitely comfortable with who she was. Above, she is pictured on the Tonight Show, laughing so hard while trying to tell a joke, that she could not get the joke out.

joan-rivers

Joan Rivers was a comedy sensation for over 5 decades. Pictured here are the two greatest woman comedians of all time. She is with Lucille Ball, and I’m sure we all know Lucy. Wow, some of the things that are going on up there now are priceless!

joan-rivers

Miss Rivers was a very out spoken woman, and she had every right to be. There was one moment when CNN tried to exploit her on national television. In an interview with CNN anchor Fredricka Whitfield, Joan Rivers walked out during a heated argument in which the anchor called her “mean.” “You are not the one to interview a person who does humor – Sorry!” I admired her when she did this. The woman loved who she was, and was not about to allow anyone too discredit her – WELL DONE MISS RIVERS!

joan-rivers

Miss Rivers did something that most great entertainers could not do. She passed away while she was still on top. She lived every day like it was the most important day in her life.

joan-rivers

Miss Rivers was happy with herself, and with who she was. Also, she made other people happy with themselves, just to be around her.

joan-rivers

It was often said that her first love, and the love of her life was her husband, film and television produce Edgar Rosenberg. Miss Rivers was a frequent celebrity guest on The Hollywood Squares, a TV game show hosted by Peter Marshall, which aired from 1965 to 1982. She is pictured above as a guest on the show, probably talking about her beloved Edgar, which she did so many times.

This is a very sad day in the entertainment world.

 

joan-rivers

Son of Ponzi king dies at 48

andrew-madoff

The son of Ponzi king Bernard Madoff is dead at the age of 48 from a rare form of cancer. Andrew Madoff is the one who turned his father in to authorities after he was swindled, like so many other people. In an interview with 60 Minutes, Andrew said that what his father did “is unforgiveable”, and he would “never speak to him again”.

Bernie Madoff is serving a 150 year prison sentence in North Carolina. I don’t suppose the Federal Bureau of Prisons will allow him a furlough to attend his son’s funeral?

Source: Los Angeles Times

CVS Pharmacy will not let you light up anymore

cvs-pharmacy

If you want to smoke, chew or dip, CVS Pharmacy no longer wants your money.

A company that promotes health care decides to stop selling tobacco products. Perhaps they think this is a conflict of interest.

But there is another conflict of interest. Tobacco products, as we all know, are bad for your health. So is obesity, and being overweight. So, why do health food stores sell products that make you gain weight?

Source: USA TODAY

Former Oregon player screwed

michael-dyer

Former Oregon Ducks tight end Colt Lyerla claims that a booster promised him a house and a car if he signed with the Ducks. He also claims the booster welched.

I think there is more to this story. Perhaps the booster promised him a house and car, in exchange for a National Championship. Of course, everyone knows that Auburn took care of this. To be even more specific, it was Auburn running back, Michael Dyer who was responsible for Auburn’s win. In a tied game, during the closing minutes, Dyer kept running when he and the referee were the only two people in Glendale, AZ who knew his knee never hit the ground.

If my hunch is correct, then this former tight end shouldn’t blame the booster. He should blame Michael Dyer.

Way to go Michael! WAR EAGLE!

Source: Sports Illustrated

Texas brewery now has 99 pack

99-pack

Want a beer? Just grab a 6 pack, or a 12 pack. Now you can get a 99 pack, for $99. A dollar a can – not bad.

Is Peacemaker as good as Budweiser? Well, let me put it this way. If you’re going to buy a 99 pack of beer, pretty soon, you won’t know the difference, and you sure won’t give a damn.

Source: ALABAMA’S 13

Joan Rivers being kept comfortable

joan-rivers-returns-to-tonight-show

 

What Does This Mean?

That’s good, but there is something left out. Is she better? Is she worse? What’s her condition? What’s going on?

Being kept comfortable is a little too vague. Hospice patients are kept comfortable every day. I sure as hell hope this is not what they mean.

Source: Mail Online

iPhone tips for single people

iphone-6

 

When I first got an iPhone, about three years ago, I was amazed at what it could do. Now, single people are downloading various apps to stimulate their erotic desires.

The iPhone can do everything except perform oral sex on you. Who knows, maybe the next upgrade will have an app that can do that.

Source: BuzzFeed

Betty White is still alive and well

The web almost killed Betty White. However, she is alive and well, Thank God!

AT the age of 92,the woman is indestructible. She is also a living legend. She is the reason Hot in Cleveland is a success.

Source: Orlando Sentinel

betty-white

betty-white

betty-white

betty-white

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Get Big Present

Brad-Pitt-Angelina-Jolie

They finally tie the knot, after 9 years. Will they stay together? Well, as long as it’s money well spent.

Source: DAILY NEWS

Wes Welker Suspended for Four Games

wes-welker

This was after testing Positive for Amphetamines. I’ve heard of a soft nose – A player who tries to find the quickest way to get on the 90 day disable list. If he can’t do it one way, he’ll do it another. Some of these guys just don’t want to play. And who could blame them? I would be delighted if I didn’t have to get my ass busted for four weeks.

Source: TIME

Justin Bieber Arrested Again

This time he was arrested in Toronto.

So, the prodigy is arrested again. What else is new? When is this kid going to stop crapping YELLOW?

Source: accessAtlanta.com

justin-bieber-nicki-minaj

How to Get Rid of Constipation

This is a Cheap Way to Get Constipation Relief

This stuff can be purchased at the grocery store, and only costs about a dollar. It will be the best money you ever spend.

This will do it every time. But take two precautions:

  • First, stay home. Don’t go anywhere. The reasons are obvious, and you know what they are.
  • Stay close to the bathroom. Otherwise, you’re in big trouble.

Don’t just sit around waiting for it to hit. It takes about two to four hours. If you sit around waiting for something to happen, it’s like watching grass grow. Do something to occupy your mind. When the time comes, you’ll know it. Get ready to run, and run fast.

Once it hits, it hits big. Then, it is over, and you are home free.

As a last resort, you could sit on the toilet for two hours with your iPad.

Finally, if you want to take a trip, and if you want to fly, you may not need a jet.

Ad – College Sports Collectibles

  • college-sports-collectibles

Bride Marries Groom in Wheelchair

Most of the stuff I write here is funny, weird and crazy. This is going to be serious, and hopefully, inspiring to the newlyweds.

First of all, if the family of these newlyweds, or anyone else think I am writing this to exploit this couple, just keep reading. You are about to discover that this is the farthest thing from the truth.

Here is the wedding picture of my parents, taken almost 60 years ago.

bride-groom-wheelchair

Behind my Mother are her parents, and behind my Father are his parents. Naturally, I was not born when this picture was taken. Young couples did things a little different then. However, I think it is accurate to say that I understand the situation that the bride is going through, and, I lived through it. Just like the young bride in the video, my Mother saw her soul mate struck with a disability before their wedding. But if their situation is anything like that of my parents, it will not be a tragedy very long.

In the video, the bride made the statement, “We can still have a good life, and we can still enjoy each other.” All I can say to her is, “MEAN WHAT YOU SAY, AND STAND BY WHAT YOU SAY. If you ever have any doubts about your decision, perhaps it would help you to talk to my Mother. She would tell you that you have a lot to look forward to.”

If the fate of this couple is anything like that of my parents, they will have a good life together. I was fortunate to see my parents celebrate their Golden Wedding Anniversary ten years ago. My Father passed away in June, 2005 at the age of 74. My Mother is 78, and still going strong. I try to spend at least one night each week at her house.

If someone were to ask my Mother, “Do you ever regret marrying a man who was disabled?”, I will bet my life that her answer will be:

NOT A CHANCE!

You must watch this inspiring video.

Oh, by the way, my Dad is the one who taught me how to play golf.

Source: INSIDE edition

OCD – How Do You Know You Have It?

howard-hughesIf Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) is known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, then Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) has to be known as Howard Hughes Disease.

How do you know you have OCD?

Think about HELL for a moment. Don’t think of it as a place where there is fire. Think of it as a place where you have no freedom, and a lot of fear.

You are in a room, and you are a prisoner. Your fear will not let you do the things you want to do. Your fear will also make you do the things you don’t want to do. The things that you want to do are pleasant. The things that you don’t want to do are unpleasant.

This room is HELL.

I just said you are in a room, and you are a prisoner. I didn’t say you were locked in this room. I also didn’t say that anyone was holding you as a prisoner.

Hell has a door. This door is unlocked. If you open this door and leave, no one is going to stop you. No one is going to hurt you. No one is going to come after you and make you come back. You are free to leave anytime you want.

But You Are Afraid To Leave, and, You Don’t Dare.

This is how you know you have OCD.

Source: International OCD Foundation

The Psychology of Colors

The meaning of colors is one of the strangest things you can imagine. A color can be both bad and good. Let’s look at three colors: RED, WHITE  and BLACK. (I did this just in case you are color blind.)

RED

BAD: Red is the color to signify that a business is losing money Your Business is In the RED.

GOOD: Red is the color of love. It represents sex. If your girlfriend is wearing red, chances are, she is horny.

WHITE

BAD: A beginner in Karate wears a white belt. This means, if he gets into a fight, he will get his ass whipped. If a woman double crosses you, you may have to remind her that she is not so lily white. And of course, we must not forget about those people who tell those little white lies.

GOOD: In the movies, the good guys wear the white hats. A bride wears white to signify that she is pure. I don’t know if this is good or bad.

BLACK

BAD: On the other hand, the bad guys in the movies wear the black hats. If someone does not want you in their fraternity, lodge or club, they will blackball you. One of the most vicious villains ever, Dracula, wore black.

GOOD: Black is the symbol of authority, power, mastery and skill. A guy who has mastered the art of Karate wears a black belt. If he gets into a fight, the other guy will get his ass whipped. Have you ever been to a black tie affair. This is real classy – for the rich, famous and well-to-do. Dracula may have been a villain, but priests are good guys. Priests wear black to signify their humility, obedience and total surrender. Remember, Real Men Wear Black. Finally, if you are the owner of a business, you will definitely want to operate in the black.

Let’s do one more color.

PINK

BAD: Pink is a very feminine color, which is good. If a man wears pink, others might think he is gay, which is bad.

GOOD: Pink can represent feeling good. You’re in the Pink.

Is this article accurate? Well, this might be considered a GREY AREA.

Source: BBC

Nick Cannon Did Not Wear Wedding Ring

It was noticed during his appearance on “America’s Got Talent.” If I had just broken up with someone who wanted desperately to get rid of me, I wouldn’t wear my wedding ring either. This would only serve as a grim reminder.

Source: INSIDE edition

How Did Lou Gehrig Die?

lou-gehrig

A few weeks ago, I was watching an old movie with a friend on TCM. The movie was, The Pride of the Yankees, starring Gary Cooper. This movie portrayed the life of one of the greatest baseball players of all time, Lou Gehrig.

When Gary Cooper made the famous speech about being the . . .luckiest man on the face of the earth. . ., my friend asked me, “How did he die?” My answer to her question was, “He died from Lou Gehrig’s Disease.”

Source: ALS ASSOCIATION

Kids Learn Bribery At An Early Age

bribery

I have a little nephew who is almost two years old. Ever since this kid was born, he has never liked me. I don’t know why, but he screamed at the top of his lungs every time he saw me. I don’t think he was afraid of me. He just didn’t like me.

One day, while the whole family was gathered together, I decided to do an experiment. When I saw him, I gave him a giant Hershey’s Chocolate Bar.

Now, every time he gets his hands on my brother’s smart phone, he calls me and says, “Hey Charlie!”

All of a sudden, he is crazy about me. Do you think this kid has a future in politics?

Source: No source. No link. This really happened.

The Craziest Speed Bumps Ever Made

These may be crazy, but I still have a problem with the regular speed bumps. Speed bumps may save the lives of passengers, but they can do the driver in.

Soource: HappyPlace

Sister of Boston Marathan Bomber Arrested

What’s the matter with these people. When they were kids, didn’t they have toys to play with? Did this bitch ever play with dolls?

Source: Mail Online

The Best Pizzas in the World

Now all someone has to do is rank the best beers in the world, and then, my Friend, we are in business.

Source: CBSNEWS

Is Diane Sawyer Really Stepping Down?

Is she really, or is she pulling a Barbara Walters? They both remind me of a furniture store that is going out of business, but runs a big sale that lasts for two years.

Source: THE HUFFINGTON POST

Why Obama Declined the Ice Bucket Challenge

I can only think of one reason. No one could get his ass off the golf course.

Source: The Daily Dot

Does Warren Buffett Really Hate America?

President Obama thinks so. Warren Buffett doesn’t like paying taxes. So do millions of other people. This doesn’t mean they hate America. Obama, if you’re really pissed off, why don’t you start eating Big Macs instead Whoppers.

Source: POLITICO

USC Football Player Suspended

bob-prince

USC cornerback Josh Shaw was indefinitely suspended for lying to his coaches. He said he sprained his ankle while trying to save his drowning nephew. If this guy is trying to make it in pro football, he is off to a good start. He shows that he has the mentality for a professional athlete, according to the late, great voice of the Pittsburgh Pirates, Bob Prince.

Mr. Prince once defined a soft nose while broadcasting a baseball game on National TV. He defined it as:

A player who tries to find the quickest way to get on the 90 day disable list.

Source: TIME

Pink Slime Meat Filler is Back

There’s nothing wrong with this meat. It’s a different color because it’s from cows that were killed later in the day. They knew what was about happen and they were scared shitless.

Source: TIME

Two Simple Rules for a Sheepdog

And you can add a third rule. Stay away from the female sheep when they are in heat.

Source: BBC

Stowaway Arrested For the Third Time

The Police want the 62 year old lady to undergo a mental health evaluation. I don’t think she is the one who needs the evaluation. The lady is brilliant.

Source: abc NEWS

Kevin Love And the New BIG THREE

kevin-love

There is a new BIG THREE. It is no longer in Miami. It is in Cleveland.

With Kevin Love joining LeBron James and Kyrie Irving, there is a new power in the East. All the Cavs need to do now is find another BirdMan, and it will be like old times to LeBron.

Source: SB NATION

Charter Customers Experienced Huge Internet Outage

This is out of character for Charter. I never have a problem with their internet service. Charter should thank AT&T U-verse for having me as a customer. With Charter, I have never had outages averaging eight hours a day.

Source: SCTimes

Little League World Series Looking Good For U S

With the Chicago team about to face South Korea for the title, some of these kids may be hot commodities in the free agency market. Some of them may even be millionaires in a month.

Source: abc 7

Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon – Do They Want to Save It

mariah-carey-nick-cannon
Is the marriage worth saving for Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon?

Mariah does not want a marriage counselor. She is afraid it would get out that the marriage was in trouble. Well, darling, let me enlighten you. It’s already out. You and Nick have been the hottest searches on Google this week.

  • Mariah and Nick are both heart broken.
  • Mariah and Nick still love each other.
  • Mariah does not think a counselor would understand their marriage.
  • Mariah is playing mental games with Nick.
  • Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon will live by B S and will be eventually done in by B S.

Face it. All of this is B S. Where there’s B S, there’s more B S. B S is what got the marriage in trouble.

Do Mariah and Nick want more B S?

There are two choices. Save the marriage, and there will be more B S. End the marriage, and,

NO MORE B S.

Source: Hollywood Life

GOP Raises Hell With President Obama

ISIS

 

The GOP is pissed off at President Obama for vacationing during the ISIS Terrorist crisis. If confronted with this, the President would probably say, “I think better when I’m on the golf course.”

Source: CBS NEWS